my hand soap smells like as*hole.

First off how does one know specifically what as*hole smells like. Secondly why do we need to know about this. Seriously I think there is an as*hole here and its you dumbass.

Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!

Just hit a flying pigeon while driving on the NJ Turnpike. Bird gutsand feathers are everywhere.

This one is just narsty.

Trying too hard.

is grateful for FANTASTIC friends and my loving family. Loving life in California lately. I'm so spoiled. And the weather.....how's the snow east coast friends

Read: My husband is cheating on me with a much younger, thinner, and prettier woman. I spend my days working out, shopping and ignoring my children.

Armchair Critique

Dear ABC, Cougars are supposed to be attractive, not Courteney Cox.

No criticism just made us laugh.. Although it is Courtney not Courteney

Pre School Pregnancy?

is laughing because my daughter Mary was contemplating whether or not to have to have babies & was she going to push them out or could she be have a c-section like Ms. Amy!

Where to begin....

The Ego has Landed

thinks this should be called "Tell me all about your boring day book".

um if you dislike facebook so much why the hell are you on it? Is it to show your obvious superiority? Cuz, honestly you just sound like a Dick.

Does she get a referral discount?

just got her teeth cleaned by her fabulous dentist Dr. [REDACTED] ! You all should go to him in [REDACTED] , www.[REDACTED].com

We hope you sleeping with him because otherwise, ummm WTF?

boarding a Naked Whale Music Cruise to play earth rhythms broadcast underwater to communicate with the whale nation and deep water swim with them off Maui

um, that's just weird.

Almost Redeaming

mystery rash of 08, passing out and moodyness may all be related by food allergies! who knew! (tmi for a status update?)

NO ONE EVER NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR RASHES!!!!!!! Especially Mystery Ones. Points for acknowledging bad status, but still.. YOUR STATUS SUCKS!

Confusion

...is considering buying herself some crampons.

Now we have to admit, we thought this was some sarcastic mash up of Cramps and Tampons (sorry we're even cringing at the menstrual allusion) but it turns out Crampons are metal things you put over shoes to walk on Ice. Um. We knew that... Really.

Carnage

..is very unhappy after stepping on a poor, innocent (but intruding) chipmunk in my garage. I think he's dead. I can still feel it in my right foot. Wahhhhhhhhhh.

There's a visual I needed over my morning coffee and bagel. Yuck!

EXPLOSIVE

...Does anyone know if Cytomax gives you worst gas ever? I mean, I can make my own eyes water right now. Hopefully no one lights a match... this library will explode

This one might be headed to the Hall of Shame. No one wants to know about your noxious emissions. YUCK!

book smarts v. street smarts

is disillusioned with how easily even the intelligentsia can be swayed by wolves in sheep's clothing.


Groooooan...that post is just annoying

Close Encounters???

...Aliens have invaded my uterus....

Was that before or after the Anal Probe?

Tell Tom Cruise, cuz we don't care

is at the Scientology event tonight! And why aren't you???

woooooooohooooooo they're online and they want to recruit you. Creepola.

Ultra- Sound Medical Advice?

got a breast MRI today and doesn't recommend it for anyone.

READ: I had a scary test today please shower me with attention.

Which is especially douchy b/c she's masking it with scaring other women about a test they may avoid taking because she thought it was unpleasant. Wow that's one selfish bitch.

Growth Spurt?

is wondering when her boobs will stop growing

Probably around the time you learn what's appropriate to share on Facebook. Boob growth...not so much.

Yea for Her

is GOING FOR A FACIAL AND WAX...YEA FOR ME

Trust us folks, no one ever wants to hear about your waxing. EVER

Pubic Option?

used the phrase "tend to your own garden" in a non-you know-pubic hair
related way today.


There is no reason ever to use the word Pubic Hair on a social networking site. Unless you're making fun of someone for using Pubic Hair on a social networking site.

Thanks for ruining my day too.

just had to tell her 96 yr old great-aunt that her last living sister is going to die.

We can't make fun of this...it just sucks.

KFC? McD's?

is up from her nap and cooking some chix franchise for her men. Mmmmmm.....Yum!

franchise? Which one? Popeye's? KFC? Boston Market? And seriously Chix? Is Chicken that long that you can't manage to spell it out?

We have no words...

You know it's hot when you have to put deodorant under your boobs.

All we have to say is. WHY??????

This Ain't Iron Chef.

Whipping up a sauce with random bits in the kitchen: Sausage meat, tomatoes, and onions. Should go good with orechiette.

Dude, we get it, you're a good cook. You probably say orechiette with an Italian accent. You are a douche.

Breastfeeding may be beautiful but your status isn't

is so in love-- my son just stopped nursing to look up and give me a big milky smile.

I just threw up a bit in my mouth.